World Free Stuff

Martha Stewart, in bowing to the inevitable, has announced that she will be publishing a new magazine from prison, to be called, “Martha Stewart Serving.” Here’s sneak preview for all you fans out there.

This mag will contain the usual letter from Martha, as well as hints and tips on living at the behest of the federal government; Sections include:

Decorating:
10 Ways to Make Your Bars Blend in with Your Themed Décor
Making Vases and Decorative Items Out of Paper Plates and Mashed Potatoes
Constructing a Chandelier from a Tin Cup and Six Plastic Forks

Entertaining:
Making Visitor’s Day Special
That Phone Call ­ Make it Count
Sewing a check for your Lawyer
Prison Etiquette, or Knowing Who Not to Look At

Cooking and Diet:
Using Paprika to Make Prison Cuisine Interesting
Dressing up that Morning Gruel
Creative Origami Place Cards Using Shredded Pages from the Prison Library Book on Insider Trading
Weight Loss through Forgery

Gardening:
Hardy Flowers for the Basketball Court
Hardy Flowers for the Tennis Court
Hardy Flowers for the Appeals Court

Crafts:
Printing Money- ­ 10 Common Mistakes
Bloodstained Glass
Soap making- ­ Decorator Soaps for the Shower
Guaranteed not to Drop
Making Pruno- ­ The Liquor of Choice for the Genteel
Jailbird
Pottery for Those Without One to Piss In

I’m sure you’re all as excited as I am about Martha’s new adventure, courtesy of the United States’ judicial system.

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